I go through funks where I have the urge to paint or draw but no drive. I walk my studio and stare in at the unfinished pieces or empty but ready to use canvases and masonite and sigh. I can’t make myself do it.
It’s hard to hear people say “well if you love doing it you’ll find time for it” People – there’s plenty of things that I love doing that I can’t find time for. Things that I love that I wouldn’t want to do all the time.
There’s also a fear aspect. If I actually finish my paintings, that means someone else can look at them and judge them and by proxy, they judge me. I rarely feel ready for that. This applies to all aspects of my life. When I refinished my bathroom, the last 5% was the absolute hardest because it was all the really basic finishing work that needed to really look perfect to bring the room together. It took me months to get the courage to move forward with that.
So I stare at paintings that are more than 50% done and I just am terrified to keep working on them. Why? I’m not sure. If I screw up, I can just re finish the canvas and repurpose it. It doesn’t really mean anything other than lost time.